


Peace, in the Struggle to Find Peace

by julien (julie)



Category: due South
Genre: Episode: s02e01 North, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1997-07-01
Updated: 1997-07-01
Packaged: 2021-02-23 10:20:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23009953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julie/pseuds/julien
Summary: Ray is bitterly regretting his promise to accompany Fraser to the Territories to rebuild the cabin destroyed by Victoria. Canada seems designed to drive Ray crazy, and the Mountie is the craziest part of it all! But then one morning on the journey north, after they’ve been forced to share a bed for the night, Ray wakes to find Fraser watching him with those beautiful warm blue eyes… and Ray begins to realise that sharing his life with the Mountie might not be anentirelyunmitigated disaster after all.
Relationships: Benton Fraser/Ray Vecchio
Kudos: 4





	Peace, in the Struggle to Find Peace

**Author's Note:**

> **Notes:** This is set loosely before, during and after episode 201 _North_ (my favorite episode). The title comes from the Sarah McLachlan song ‘Fumbling towards Ecstasy’. 
> 
> **First published:** in the zine _Twogether_ from IIBNF Press in 1997.

# Peace, in the Struggle to Find Peace 

♦

‘We want two single rooms,’ Ray Vecchio told the receptionist. Well, _receptionist_ was probably too generous a term for the guy behind the desk of this small hotel in this nowhere town. Perhaps _desk clerk_ would do. ‘Two rooms. Preferably,’ he added quietly, having glanced behind him to check that Fraser was still wrestling with the luggage outside, ‘separated by some miles of corridor and several thousand other rooms.’

The guy looked sympathetic. ‘Are you and your friend not getting along?’

Ray glared at him, Chicago-style. ‘Look, why don’t you take your Canadian empathy, and your Canadian peace and harmony, and shove it all up your Canadian –’

‘Oh dear.’ The Mountie had arrived, backing through the double doors, pulling along a trolley loaded with their luggage. Diefenbaker pranced in and came to sit next to Ray. A cold wind blew in, too, and Ray recommenced shivering until Fraser had the doors shut again. ‘I’m sorry,’ Benton Fraser called over his shoulder, ‘I fear I scuffed one of your front steps. I didn’t lift Ray’s heaviest suitcase quite high enough.’

‘Who the fuck cares whether you scuffed a step or not, Fraser? Steps are _there_ to be scuffed. God made them for that sole purpose.’ Ray heaved an exasperated sigh, turned away, and leaned wearily against the counter.

Avoiding Ray’s gaze and all it demanded, the desk clerk said to Fraser, ‘Never mind, I’m sure I can fix it up good as new.’

‘No, no, I’ll take care of it first thing in the morning.’

Ray rolled his eyes. ‘Two rooms,’ he repeated. ‘Two single rooms at the Hotel of No Consequence. Now. Please. And you’d better take pets.’

‘Yes, of course. The wolf may stay at no extra charge. If he’s house-trained…?’

‘Better than some humans,’ Ray told him. ‘Two rooms, and make it soon because –’

‘Er, Ray,’ the Mountie interrupted.

‘Yes, Fraser?’ Ray responded with great patience.

‘My funds, while no doubt enough for the task at hand – that is, rebuilding my father’s cabin – are limited. I wondered if we couldn’t share a room, and halve the expense. Either that, or I’ll camp out tonight. It’s fine, bracing weather.’

Ray stared through the glass doors, where it looked like winter had come early. He shuddered. ‘Oh, don’t be ridiculous. You can’t possibly go sleep out in _that_.’

‘I assure you I would be quite comfortable, Ray. The storm will pass within a few hours.’ Fraser stood tall, slapped the flat of his hand against his chest. ‘I’ve lived quite happily in far worse conditions, for months at a time. Diefenbaker has, too, of course, though perhaps you wouldn’t mind –’

‘You are so nuts that I should just let you,’ Ray threatened. But he gave in, as they’d all known he would. ‘All right, all right. A twin room.’

‘We only have singles or doubles, sir.’

Ray glared murder at the world, Capone-style.

Fraser quickly suggested, ‘You take the bed, Ray, I’ll sleep on my bed-roll.’

‘A double room,’ Ray said, handing over his Visa card. The business was soon done, and Fraser applied enough force to get the luggage trolley moving in the direction of their room. Ray watched him maneuver down the corridor, maintaining a steady speed while carefully avoiding the walls and fixtures. Then he turned to the desk clerk. ‘Are you a Catholic?’ Ray asked.

‘Yes, sir,’ the fellow replied gamely.

‘Then you’ll understand. It’s not enough that I’m hounded every step of the way by my dead father. No, that does nothing more than make me thoroughly miserable.’ Ray leaned in real close, holding the fellow’s gaze. ‘Do you know what that man is?’ And he indicated Fraser with a tilt of his head, not breaking his hold on the desk clerk’s attention. Dief was watching the conversation closely.

‘No, sir.’

‘He’s my best friend. And he’s all my Catholic guilt personified, put on this earth for no reason but to torment me.’

The fellow tore his gaze away to watch Fraser progress slowly down the corridor. The Mountie, perhaps sensing that he was being watched, turned back and waved cheerily at them. Dief barked once, and chased after him.

Ray sighed, all his anger draining into something like defeat. ‘And I can’t ever ever _ever_ get away from him.’

The desk clerk let out a little moan at the sheer horror of it all.

♦

Ray approached the bed with great suspicion, though it seemed to be a decent width and length. He pushed down on the mattress with one hand, and found it suitably firm but with enough give to be welcoming. He drew back the cover to discover a selection of cotton and wool blankets, and crisp linen sheets. The pillows were pleasingly plump and soft and plentiful. ‘Surprise, surprise,’ he said in his best Gomer Pyle voice.

‘What’s that, Ray?’ the Mountie asked congenially.

Ignoring the question for now, Ray went to inspect the bathroom. It was a reasonable size, and clean, with plenty of light. The shower and bath was generous, and there was a pile of fluffy white towels beckoning. ‘This will do.’

‘The room is satisfactory?’

Apparently Diefenbaker thought so, for he had settled on the couch and was dozing already.

‘Yeah,’ said Ray. He didn’t bother turning on the TV. It was late, and more than time to catch up on some sleep, so the annoying lack of reasonable programming was really irrelevant right now. ‘Yeah, better than I was expecting this far from civilization.’

Fraser didn’t bother disagreeing with him. ‘Where do you want your luggage, Ray?’

‘We’re only here overnight, right?’

‘Yes. We fly out again tomorrow morning. It’s just one four-hour flight now to reach the Yukon.’

‘Then all I need is that bag there. And the one under the big suitcase.’ Ray frowned as Fraser hauled the bags around. ‘Oh, and my bathroom gear is in the black case. Have you seen that?’

‘Yes, I believe it’s – Ah. No, it isn’t.’ The Mountie rummaged around again, and soon proudly produced the case in question. He smiled at Ray as he handed it over, those blue eyes kind of warm.

The fellow had let his hair grow during the months of his rehabilitation, and it was quite thick and long. Ray supposed once Fraser was back at work, the hair would be kept under strict control again. For now, the Mountie looked… well, more human. Ray didn’t really think the longer hair suited the man, but it definitely made Fraser look less of an oddity.

It wasn’t just the hair. Since Victoria and all that, Fraser definitely seemed more human. Sadder, but more human.

‘Thanks,’ Ray muttered in belated gratitude.

‘I’ll take the trolley back to reception,’ Fraser announced.

It was really quite late, past eleven, and Ray had no idea what the changes in time zones actually meant though he suspected the worst. He felt tired, that was all, and still kind of slow after recovering from being shot.

While the Mountie was gone, Ray changed into his pajamas, and began his nightly routine of moisturizing, brushing and flossing. Catching sight of himself in the mirror, he paused for a moment, and then stared. He’d also let his hair grow out a bit during his time in hospital. It hadn’t been real convenient, coping with longer hair during a physical rehabilitation – Ray had had to be careful not to let it get loose, for it wasn’t thick hair like Fraser’s. There was one hell of a lot less of it, for a start, but what hair _was_ there was fine and liable to float off at the slightest provocation.

It had been months now since Ray had begun searching in vain for a new hairstyle, something to reflect more of the real Ray Vecchio. He supposed that letting it grow out was in preparation for that change, to give a hairstylist something to work with. For now it just looked a bit dopey, actually.

Ray sighed. Yes, time for a change.

By the time Fraser finally returned, Ray was sitting on the side of the bed, about to lie down. The combination of the linen sheets and his favorite silk pajamas felt like a blessing, small but true. Ray looked at the Mountie’s bed-roll stretched out on the floor, which was horribly hard despite the carpet. He looked at all the luggage Fraser had been hauling around on Ray’s behalf. He thought of his own bad temper, and the Mountie’s continuing equanimity.

Before he could recall Fraser’s oddities and annoyances, Ray said, ‘Come sleep in the bed with me. You’ll never get comfortable on that thing.’

Fraser seemed about to argue. But he looked across at Ray, and those blue eyes grew even warmer. ‘Thank you kindly,’ he said. ‘I will.’ Magnanimously accepting this gesture of friendship, though they both knew that Fraser would actually be more comfortable on the thin bed-roll.

Ray felt a smile grow on his face, sheepish at first, but becoming sort of sweet. It felt weird, actually. He supposed it was the first time he’d really smiled at Fraser like this since… Victoria. Fraser nodded in acknowledgment, and turned away after a moment, quickly undressing down to his white t-shirt and boxer shorts. Once Ray was settled Fraser glanced at him again, perhaps surprised to see the smile still in place. As the Mountie got into bed beside the cop, carefully maintaining a polite distance, Ray let himself really feel that smile.

‘Goodnight, Ray,’ Fraser said. ‘Pleasant dreams.’

‘Night, Benny,’ Ray replied easily. The Mountie turned off the light. Dief was wuffling in his sleep, chasing caribou. Despite the fact they were miles from all that Ray knew and held dear, he supposed things weren’t really so bad.

♦

Ray Vecchio woke slowly from a peaceful sleep, perhaps the best sleep he’d had since… all that trouble. It was morning, and he was warm and safe and happy. He was lying there in bed cuddling the Mountie. Fraser was on his back, and Ray was tucked snugly in under the man’s right arm, his own arm round the fellow’s sturdy waist. Very carefully, Ray simply enjoyed it all, rather than risk breaking the spell by thinking about any of it. Perhaps they were both pretending to doze, giving themselves an excuse not to move away, not to let reality break in between them.

But eventually Ray stirred, and shifted up onto an elbow to look down at his friend. It was obvious Fraser had been awake for some while – his face was clear and fresh and thoughtful, while Ray knew his own would still be barely half-aware. They didn’t speak. Ray simply smiled happily, for Fraser had kept his arm firmly around Ray’s shoulders even as he shifted, not letting it drop away.

They looked at each other for a while, kind of serious and kind of wary, but also very very sweet. That warmth in the Mountie’s blue eyes had become quite the glow. It was familiar, somehow, this lovely warm glow – as if Fraser had looked at Ray like this before, but maybe Ray hadn’t really picked up on it. _Oh, I’m in danger of just falling into those blue eyes and losing myself forever_ , Ray thought with some satisfaction.

He couldn’t stop smiling, but he would have to soon, for any moment now he would lean down and meet the Mountie’s mouth with his own. Any moment now they would kiss, and that would be all she wrote, everything between them would be settled, set in stone. They both knew it. There would never be any getting away from this man. Fraser’s expression was still serious and full of consideration, but the wariness had become something more like anticipation. Shades of eagerness.

The Mountie lifted his free hand, brushed across Ray’s lips so lightly it almost hurt. His fingers drifted further, ran through Ray’s wayward hair. The fellow smiled, gaze wandering with his fingers –

And Ray suddenly realized what he must look like, with his hair all over the place, and long enough now to be down round his ears. He let out a cry, appalled at being caught like this – no one _ever_ got to see him like this in the morning, not even his Ma. Francesca knew to avoid him until he was presentable, even his father didn’t haunt him until Ray was dressed and groomed for the day.

A brief glimpse of Fraser’s startled face, before Ray scrambled out of the bed and ran for the bathroom and his hair-cream. ‘Right, that’s it,’ he declared loudly. ‘Time for a change. Time I had a new hairstyle. Today’s the day.’

A long moment of silence as Ray briskly applied his hair-brush to the problem at hand. And then, ‘Er, Ray,’ Fraser said from the other side of the firmly closed bathroom door. ‘There’s really no need –’

‘Oh, yes, there is. I look ridiculous.’

‘No, you don’t. I think you look… rather appealing.’

‘Is that the best you can do?’ Ray stared hard at himself in the mirror. OK, it was all under control now. He headed for the bath and began running the water. ‘I’m having a shower,’ Ray announced over the noise. ‘Then I’m finding a hairstylist.’

‘A hairstylist?’ Fraser repeated doubtfully.

‘Yes. You go see that moron on the desk, and ask him for a recommendation. The best hairstylist in town.’

‘But I’m afraid that –’

‘Hairdresser,’ Ray tried, ‘haircutter, barber… Whatever.’

‘Don’t you think you’re over-reacting?’

‘No. It’s all going, so it’s all coming off.’ He stripped away his pajamas once the water was running hot, and climbed in. ‘I know who I am, Benny!’ he cried out, not necessarily caring if the Mountie heard him. ‘And you’re not going to change that.’

But Fraser did hear him, for he said, ‘I don’t want to change you, Ray.’ And his tone was kind of troubled and maybe even upset.

Ray grimaced and reached for the soap.

♦

The Mountie gaped – the cop had never seen him do that before – and a long silence stretched. Ray pushed past Fraser, and headed for the bathroom mirror to check it out yet again. The new style had only taken a few minutes to complete, as it simply involved the barber shearing the bulk of Ray’s hair off. Fraser followed him, stood in the open doorway, and finally whispered, ‘Ray. What have you done?’

‘Told you it was all coming off.’ Ray tried a few different poses, head back, leaning forward, left profile and right. He grinned happily, then seductively, arched his eyebrows aloof, put his head back again in cynical mode.

‘I, er, didn’t take your meaning,’ the fellow said.

‘It was all going, running out on me, I figured two could play at that game. I’ve been taking the defensive all these years, making the best of a bad situation, I figured it was time to launch an offensive instead.’

‘Oh, Ray.’

After a moment, the cop turned to look at his friend, belatedly picking up on a tone of great sadness. ‘What? You don’t like it?’

‘It’s very… sudden.’

‘Nah. Should have done this ages ago. Would have been a whole lot easier to deal with in hospital, that’s for sure.’ Ray turned back to the mirror, ran his hands back over his head – it felt rather nice, the short hair tickling his palms, the skin of his scalp sensitive. Responsive. ‘Anyway, you remember I’ve been thinking about a new style for months.’

‘Well, yes, but… this is so drastic, Ray. I find myself quite astounded. Are you sure this is the style you wanted?’

‘Yeah.’ Silence stretched again, looming between them. Ray glanced at his friend. ‘Come on, spit it out. What’s wrong?’

Fraser drew a deep breath, and stood straighter, though he crossed his arms defensively across his chest and looked away for a moment. ‘I’m afraid, Ray. I’m very afraid you’ve done this while over-reacting to something, and you’ll regret it later. I’m afraid that you wouldn’t have chosen that style if you were at home in Chicago, and that you’ll come to see it as an unsophisticated, backwoods cut.’

‘Hey, I love it, OK? You know what this style says about me? It’s an attitude of take me or leave me. I never tried to hide the fact I’m losing my hair, Fraser, I just tried to make the most of what I had. It’s a sign of virility, a man losing his hair, after all.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes. But this is even more honest, right? This is honest, in-your-face, bold, uncompromising.’ And Ray struck a proud defiant pose. Then he frowned a little, thinking it through further. ‘This is paring right down to basics, Fraser. Working out what’s important and what’s not.’

‘Well, if you’re sure,’ the Mountie said tentatively.

‘Yeah, I’m sure. I might not be as handsome as you, but this isn’t a face to be ashamed of, you know. I don’t need to hide it.’

‘Oh,’ Fraser said quickly, ‘you are a handsome man, Ray, there’s no arguing with that.’

Ray glanced at him sourly. ‘You don’t like it, do you?’

‘It’s very –’ But the man couldn’t come up with an acceptable adjective. He withered a little. ‘I’m sorry, Ray, but I’m afraid you’ve done something you’ll regret.’

Turning to face him, Ray dropped the poses and the attitudes. ‘Come on, Benny,’ he pleaded, ‘I’m being brave here, and you’re not making it any easier.’

‘You said I couldn’t change you,’ the fellow whispered, ‘but you’ve changed.’

‘And that’s fine!’ Ray shouted in exasperation. ‘I changed myself, I’m allowed to! I just want some support from my friends, OK?’

Fraser nodded. Finally he said, ‘I like the new hairstyle, Ray. It says a great deal about you.’ And then he backed out of the bathroom doorway so quickly it was as if he’d vanished.

Diefenbaker was left sitting there, staring up at Ray. ‘Well, what do you think?’ the cop asked him. The wolf yapped once, quite positively, and walked over to push his muzzle into Ray’s hand. Choosing to take this as encouragement, Ray patted him and said, ‘Thanks, Dief.’

♦

Ray Vecchio was in a very bad mood. They had been sitting around in the Airport of No Consequence for what felt like forever, waiting for no good reason, with nothing whatsoever to do. The moron behind the counter refused to even check Ray and Fraser and their luggage in. Deliberate obstruction, that’s what it was. Ray glared at the fellow in his stupid backwoods hat – the man sipped at his coffee and gazed at his newspaper, making the most of his interminable break, knowing damned well how frustrating he was being. Bloody-minded pedantic little Canadian.

Speaking of which, Fraser sat opposite Ray, preaching patience and playing solitaire. Which was all very well, except that the Mountie was in a bad mood, too, having finally used up the last of his equanimity. Ray wasn’t quite sure what Fraser was off-kilter about, but that morning’s loud disagreement over Ray’s new hairstyle had started it.

Dief was the lucky one – he was out there somewhere, running around, happy to be home again. Ray almost envied him the freedom of wildness, just for a moment. Except that, no, the Chicago cop did not belong here. In frustration, he grabbed the nearest thing to hand – a pepper shaker – and began tapping it against the table, attempting to annoy the guy behind the counter into providing some kind of service.

‘Ray, Ray, Ray,’ the Mountie chided.

‘Look,’ the cop said belligerently, ‘I gave up a two week vacation in Miami for this.’

‘Well, as I recall, it was your idea.’

‘No, as _I_ recall, I said _maybe_ , as in _maybe_ we should go north and fix up your father’s cabin. You, on the other hand, could have done the decent thing and said no.’

Fraser paused for a moment, then said very reasonably, ‘You don’t have to do this.’

‘Oh, yes, I do. Because it’s like a, what do you call it, a deathbed confession. You have to honor it. Besides, where else but Canada could I spend two weeks hard labor, living off the land?’

Another pause, and then in tones determined to be positive, ‘Well, I for one am glad we’re going.’

_Oh, what the hell am I doing here?_ Ray wondered in great anguish. _Deathbed vows are all very well in their place, but I must have been crazy_. OK, so Fraser was right, damn him – this trip had been Ray’s idea. At the time, the thought of him and Fraser, the two of them alone together, rebuilding something that Victoria had destroyed – and it didn’t take a shrink for Ray to see that was a perfect metaphor for the two men’s friendship – the idea had been far too compelling to ignore. And, safe in that Chicago hospital room, with Benny responding to him like a friend for the first time in three weeks, it had seemed like something Ray could do. Now it just seemed crazy.

Rebuilding a log cabin in the Yukon, with lumber you had to literally go cut by yourself from the forest. Perhaps Ray had thought of the physical labor, using skills and knowledge he didn’t have, as penance. Out in the wilderness, in the damned Arctic Circle for all he knew, far from any kind of comfort. Ray knew he would be thoroughly miserable.

Penance. This wasn’t just about rebuilding friendship. It was also about trying to make up to Fraser for all that Ray owed him. Ray had shot his best friend, and he couldn’t forgive himself for it. Fraser seemed kind of OK about it, seemed to think they were ‘even Steven’ after Ray had taken a bullet in the shoulder that would otherwise have reached Fraser’s chest. Just for a moment, it seemed, though Ray didn’t like to think about it too much, Fraser had been ready to destroy himself. But taking that bullet didn’t do it for Ray, it didn’t balance things for him, and he had to suspect that Fraser still felt a niggle of resentment, too. The first shooting, after all, was much too personal, what with Victoria being mixed up in it like she was.

So here was Ray, far from all he knew, doing something he really didn’t want to do, and it had all been his damned idea in the first place. God, he hated that. He muttered to Fraser, ‘If we’d brought the Riv, we could be moving right now. It would only have taken a few days to drive.’

‘It would be a very long journey and there are stretches of the road, especially over certain passes, that would be virtually impossible at this time of year, particularly for a town car.’

‘The Buick Riviera is not just any town car, you know,’ Ray blustered. He soon sank again. ‘I miss it.’

‘Your Riviera?’

‘Yeah. Anything wrong with that?’

A pregnant pause, before Fraser asked, ‘Do you miss your family?’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘It’s a simple question, Ray.’

‘Sure it is. You know, Fraser, you are the master of asking simple questions that have whole Bibles worth of significance behind them.’ Ray glared at the Mountie, who coolly met his gaze for a long moment before returning to his game of cards. ‘You’re implying I should miss my family more than my car. Well, let me tell you something about Italians, if you haven’t already picked this up – family is everything, first, last and always. Sometimes family even comes before God, though He makes you pay for things like that, getting your priorities mixed up. Family is everything, even when family includes a father whose favorite way of communicating is with a belt wrapped round his fist.’

That got through to the Mountie. Fraser looked up again to broadcast some localized empathy and compassion in Ray’s direction. The fellow was always ready, willing and able to do that kind of thing.

But the cop turned away. He usually appreciated that Fraser didn’t try to say anything when there was nothing to say, didn’t stumble through words that would always be inadequate. Just for once, though, Ray would like to hear what Fraser really thought, would like to have his comfort more clearly defined. Just for once he’d like to hear his father condemned and Ray exonerated by the Mountie.

‘You want the truth?’ Ray asked. ‘I’ve been a long time recovering, I’ve lived some of the longest hours and days and weeks I’ve ever dragged myself through since I was shot. And I saw plenty of my family, they never missed visiting hours. Truth is, I had it up to there with them –’ he pointed skyward, way over his head – ‘and I’m glad to have a break. Even if that means I had to come out here to the wilds of Canada to get away.’

‘I see.’

Truth was, Ray had spent even more of his rehabilitation with Fraser than he had spent in fending off his family. If the two men hadn’t had separate rooms in the hospital, they would have been together virtually twenty-four hours a day. There was just no getting away from Benton Fraser and all of Ray’s guilt.

Everything felt sort of weird and dislocated. Nothing was familiar anymore. The Vecchio family had been left far behind, and willingly so. Ray hadn’t been at work for longer than he’d ever been absent before – and solving hospital intrigues had only made him miss real police-work all the more. The Riviera was garaged for the duration, and Ray was relying on other people and other transport. Ray felt he hardly knew who he was. All he had was his best friend, sitting there opposite him, and as of that morning their friendship had become strange, too.

Strange. _And the truth is…?_ Ray asked himself sourly. Something had almost happened between him and Benny that morning when they first woke. _Something wonderful_ , he added, quoting movies. And Ray had run from that something wonderful at a hundred miles an hour. Which was crazy, again, because he would have really liked that, would have loved to kiss the Mountie and maybe have sex with him.

At the time, Fraser had wanted it, too – that much had been beautifully abundantly clear. It would have happened, if Ray hadn’t run. Ah, that lovely warm glow in Benny’s blue eyes. Well, Ray couldn’t see that glow anymore. If it was still there, the Mountie wasn’t blessing the cop with it. Seemed that Ray had had the one chance, and he’d blown it – for surely Fraser was the type to only ask or offer once, he was the type to take _no_ for an answer, take a rejection to heart.

_So, where am I?_ Ray found himself in Canada doing something he really didn’t want to do, far from all he knew, and resenting the hell out of the guilt that brought him here. And sitting opposite a friend he’d run away from, a friend he’d like to make love with, knowing that he’d messed up his only chance. Life just shouldn’t make a man feel this foolish. ‘Pop was right,’ he muttered.

‘About what?’

‘About me screwing up pretty much everything I ever touch.’

The Mountie looked across at him, troubled. No doubt he was fully aware of Ray’s worsening temper, for Fraser was reacting to that with impatience now rather than his usual imperturbable spirits. And there it was again – a surreptitious glance running over Ray’s scalp. Ray shivered, as if Fraser had instead run his palm and fingers over sensitive hair and skin. Well, the Mountie still seemed unsure about Ray’s new hairstyle, unwilling or unable to really support his friend.

Ray sighed. Everything was just all too difficult. But at last the guy behind the counter was ready to check them in – he tapped his coffee mug on the desk to indicate as much. ‘Finally,’ Ray said.

♦

Things soon went from bad to worse – their plane crashed in the middle of nowhere. Seemed the pilot was an escaping felon, who bailed out as soon as he realized his two human passengers were cops and they were onto him. Not only that, but Fraser sustained a head injury in the crash, serious enough to blind him, which shifted a whole heap of unwanted responsibility onto Ray’s shoulders. What the hell did the Chicago cop know about surviving in the wild?

Benton Fraser was, of course, making the best of things. Talk about a recipe for disaster, this eternal optimism of the man’s, combined with slightly befuddled wits and single-minded pride, his determination to track down and capture the felon, his insistence that he was in his element here, that he still had four good senses and therefore hardly needed a fifth… Disaster. However, Fraser almost walked off a cliff, and was only saved at the last moment by Ray tackling him, which had humbled the Mountie a little. He was accepting more of Ray’s help now. And Ray was listening to Fraser’s advice, and working it all out as best he could.

Fear for Fraser and for his own bleak survival prospects, frustration with his lack of abilities, and occasional annoyance with the Mountie’s attitude – all these things made Ray morose. He snapped at Fraser a little too much, impatient and scared. But he kept trying, Ray kept carefully trying.

As the darkness grew, Fraser rapidly became more and more disoriented. They talked, though, which was good, and Ray figured that keeping Fraser focused and aware should help. Ray had no idea what else to do for the man. As they tried to build a fire, Benny told Ray a story about his childhood with his father.

Ray sighed, and confessed, ‘My Dad, he wasn’t a father-and-son type of guy. The one thing he did teach me was how to look out for number one.’

‘A police officer puts others first,’ Fraser said.

‘My father hated cops.’ And Ray headed back into the forest to find some more twigs and branches for the fire.

‘I heard that.’

It was, of course, Ray’s father, standing casually in a tree of all places. Pity he hadn’t stayed behind in Chicago, along with the rest of the Vecchios. Ray gave the man a hard stare and told him, ‘Nobody’s talking to you.’

‘You tell a stranger something like that, about your family.’

‘He’s not a stranger, he’s my friend.’

‘Oh, some friend.’ His father leaned forward to make a point – ‘He’s loony toons, you should cut him loose.’

Ray said, ‘I owe him.’

‘ _You owe nobody_.’ Ah, yes, that was his father’s motto. Ray should have had it chiseled on the man’s tombstone. ‘He’s going to get you killed.’

‘That’s always the way it is with you, Pop, ain’t it? Just _you_ , screw the rest of the world, huh?’

‘Something wrong with that?’

And the hell of it was, that was an honest question. Ray’s father couldn’t see the terrible results of that attitude. Ray shook his head, gathered up the branches he’d collected, and started back to Fraser and their campsite. He was so damned hungry it was ridiculous.

♦

‘I can’t believe I did that,’ Ray said, feeling kind of squeamish now he really thought about it. Bugs and grubs, for God’s sake… ‘I can still feel them moving around in there.’

‘It was a good meal, Ray,’ the Mountie declared. He was all huddled up, and shifting around like he couldn’t settle. Strange to see Fraser uncomfortable with himself, with his own body. Maybe he was just cold, but perhaps he was really ill.

‘Do you need another blanket?’

‘No. I’ll get some rest.’ And Fraser announced, ‘We’re going to have to double our pace if we want to catch him tomorrow.’

Unbelievable. Despite everything, the Mountie was still intending to catch the damned felon. ‘Benny?’ Ray asked. ‘Have you taken a look at yourself recently?’

Fraser huffed a bit. Seemed he hadn’t lost his sense of irony – unfortunately, however, it was misdirected. ‘Now, I can’t very well do that, can I, Steve?’

Wonderful. Fraser was so nuts he didn’t even recognize his best friend. ‘Ray,’ the cop corrected quietly.

‘What?’ the Mountie asked, as if responding to his own name.

‘Never mind.’ Not wanting the man to slip away from him during the night, Ray said, ‘You know, I’d better wake you up every couple of hours.’

‘Goodnight,’ the man said. He fell asleep quickly, which was fine – but soon began muttering to himself, arguing with someone in his dreams. Finding no rest there, either.

Ray sighed. It hurt, that Benny didn’t know him – though the significant thing was Fraser’s growing madness. Would it end like this? With the Mountie babbling nonsense, and losing the rest of his senses, and descending into nothingness. Ray let a shudder take him. He did not want this man to die, and if Fraser must die then it shouldn’t be like this. Benton Fraser deserved something noble and aware and self-aware, deserved to know who he was and what was happening and why. This ignorance had nothing of bliss in it, nothing of peace.

_Ah, Benny._ In his ignorance, the Mountie had let Ray look directly into those blue eyes again, but there was no longer any light of recognition. No lovely warm glow. Ray felt like crying for the loss of it.

Diefenbaker had returned, and stood nearby, perhaps not quite realizing what a predicament the two humans were in. ‘I love him, you know, Dief,’ Ray said. He didn’t bother confessing this quietly, for there was no one to hear. ‘It’s not just the guilt that keeps me around. Not anymore, at least. I love him.’ Ray smiled a little, sad through to his core. ‘Well, Stan, this is another fine mess you’ve gotten us into.’

♦

By morning, Fraser had lost the use of his legs. But Ray didn’t mind so much – despite having to carry Fraser and also whatever packs he could – because the Mountie had regained his wits. Fraser knew who he was, and he knew who Ray was, and if he didn’t _glow_ at Ray anymore, well, that was OK. Ray could live with that. The important thing was that the two friends work together to survive. Ray and Fraser always did make a great team.

They sang together as Ray carried the man along, slung over his shoulder. Diefenbaker trotted on ahead, unhappily carrying various bits of luggage that Ray had strapped to him. Ray and Fraser talked about their childhoods, their families. Wistfully described the food they’d love to be eating.

‘Ma will be worrying,’ Ray said, having just detailed all the virtues of her lasagna. ‘She worries about me if I’m home five minutes late in the evening, what with me being a cop. They’ll have been told the plane went down, won’t they? They’ll be thinking we’re dead.’

‘Yes. I’m sorry, Ray.’

‘Ah, no point in us worrying about it, too, I guess. There’s nothing we can do. Except get out of here alive, of course.’

There was a brief silence, and then Fraser said, ‘You know, Ray, this is strange – I hadn’t realized until now that there’s no one to worry about me anymore. Not since my father died.’

‘Oh.’ Ray thought about this, and figured it was true, though it sounded kind of bleak. Family could drive you nuts without even trying, but Ray wouldn’t be without his for the world. He said, ‘Well, Benny, if I wasn’t out here with you in the thick of it all, I’d be at home worrying about you. I’d be worried to death, actually.’

‘Thank you, Ray,’ the fellow said with genuine gratitude.

‘What are best friends for?’

While he was lucid, Fraser was still physically ill, and becoming dangerously dehydrated. Disoriented enough to gulp down a bottle of water without realizing that was the last of it – not even thinking to ask, let alone to ration it. Ray couldn’t decide whether that was Fraser’s survival instincts demanding the water, or if he’d left those far behind.

Well, all Ray could do for now was keep trying, and if possible remain cheerful. Neither of which was too difficult with his friend in his arms.

♦

Ray, Fraser and Diefenbaker at last reached the river that the Mountie had seen from the plane. The water tasted so damned good it was like Evian. Ray was feeling quite hopeful, despite his Pop returning to carp at him – and even bore it with some of Fraser’s equanimity when the inflatable raft he’d just lugged through forests and up mountains flew from his hands out into the river’s current and floated serenely away.

Benny regained his legs, and together the two men worked on building a raft of logs and ropes and tree-roots. It was while rummaging around for the roots that Ray’s father showed up again. ‘Look at you – loser!’

‘You ought to know, Pop,’ Ray replied easily.

‘You never listened to me,’ the man complained. ‘You never knew what was good for you. You never listened and you never learned.’

Ray stood up and walked over to confront him. ‘And when did you tell me, Pop? Huh? When you didn’t come home for dinner five nights a week? Or when I found you passed out on the floor on Saturday nights from too much partying with the boys?’

‘Hey, hey,’ his Pop said angrily. ‘It wasn’t up to me to talk – it was up to you to listen.’

‘Yeah, well, I’m not listening to you anymore.’

‘I’m your father!’

‘That’s right, Pop,’ Ray replied, right in the man’s face. ‘You _are_ my father.’ But the words meant such different things to each of them. Ray shook his head at the impossibility of ever making his Pop see sense. ‘Do you want to know what I learned from you?’

‘Yeah, I heard it the first time you told your loony toons friend.’ And he quoted with great disdain, ‘Timing – mostly when to duck. And never hit a kid –’

Ray interrupted him. ‘Oh, there’s other things I learned, you should give yourself more credit. I learned about what I don’t want to be. I wear Armani because you wore vinyl and polyester. I care about things because you didn’t, Pop. I don’t drink because you were an alcoholic. Yeah, you taught me about what’s good for me.’

‘I tried to teach you to look out for number one, _ti sciocco_ – you little fool.’

‘Just think what you missed out on with that attitude, Pop. Your family, for a start. You never had the chance to really love us, you never had a true friend, never had a partner. Well, I’m not going to miss anything. I love him, you know that? I only figured it out yesterday. I love him, I love Benny.’

Ray’s father snarled in anger at this, anger and disgust. ‘He uses you, never a word of thanks, never a word of appreciation, now you’re letting him break your heart.’

‘That’s not how it is.’

‘Sure it is. So you shot him in the back, so you were aiming for that bitch he’d taken up with – so what? You’ve done your penance, you took a bullet for him, that’s enough, Raimondo. You didn’t even have to do that. Don’t tear your heart out over him.’

‘What matters is that I love him. I don’t expect you to understand this, Pop, but just loving him is a good thing in itself, even if nothing ever comes of it.’

The man turned away, hands crammed into the pockets of his cheap trousers. ‘You’re talking nonsense.’

‘I’ve had love in my life,’ Ray persisted, ‘family-love with Ma and Franny, Maria and the kids, Sergio. I even love you, Pop, and don’t think that doesn’t worry me. But this kind of love – sexual love, romance – I haven’t had much of that. A few impossible chances. Do you know about them? Kerrie, Marisa, Johnny, Suzanne. It never did work out for me. But I love him, I love Benny, and that’s enough, knowing I can give him that.’

No real response, nothing more than a resentful mutter.

‘You know, it feels good, Pop. I still owe him, but that’s not so big a burden anymore.’

Ray’s father had gone again, faded away back to purgatory. Ray smiled. Things were looking better and better.

♦

The felon had tracked them down, but Ray managed to dispatch him care of Fraser’s bolas and a great deal of his own luck. Not to mention his own courage. Benny regained his sight in the middle of it, too.

Ray felt quite satisfied when all was said and done. He was poling the log-raft down the river, with Fraser and Dief sitting before him. They had all been brave and strong and resourceful, and they were safe, well on their way to the nearest outpost of civilization. Hell, Ray felt proud. It was a good, grounded kind of feeling.

‘See…’ said Ray lightly, ‘we’re perfectly fine, I know what I’m doing. Admit it – I know what I’m doing.’

The Mountie easily agreed, ‘You know what you’re doing.’ He even sounded like he meant it, kind of surprised at himself.

Oh, that was icing on the cake. Ray grinned, and said very simply, ‘Thank you.’

‘Ray.’

‘What?’ he asked.

‘Is that a waterfall?’

It was actually more like a brief patch of rapids, which Ray managed to negotiate with little difficulty. Fraser returned to stand-by mode. ‘See, that was no problem,’ Ray said. ‘You didn’t even get bruised. _Now_ who’s over-reacting, huh?’

‘I’m sorry, Ray.’

There was something about the Mountie’s tone of voice… Ray chuckled. ‘You were teasing me, weren’t you, trying to get me worried? _Is that a waterfall_ …’ he scoffed. ‘It’s that facetious Canadian humor of yours. I can just see all your little red-suited Mountie friends rolling around on the floor laughing with you saying that kind of thing to them.’

‘Yes, Ray.’

There was further chuckling when Fraser spotted the inflatable raft, which had gotten snagged on a fallen tree just a mile or so down the river. ‘I thought we’d had the last of that,’ Ray commented. ‘Jeez,’ he added with a laugh, ‘pity you were blind at the time – you should have seen it fly through the air with the greatest of ease. Would have been hilarious if I didn’t think we were going to die.’

‘Pull over to the shore, Ray. We’ll make better time on that, and it will be a more comfortable ride.’

‘What, and leave _our_ raft behind? The raft we built with our own hands, from trees I chopped down, with roots I dug out of the ground?’

‘Yes, Ray,’ the Mountie said with his flat sincerity.

Ray sighed, but he did as he was told. ‘If I’d had to chew the roots, we’d be taking the damned thing back to Chicago with us,’ he said to Fraser, leaving their log-raft behind with a proud and regretful nod.

They reached a logging town by mid-afternoon, and the first thing Ray did was find the local hospital. It was only a small place, barely more than a medical center with four beds in one ward, but that would do fine. ‘I’m all right, Ray,’ the Mountie kept muttering at him. ‘There’s really no need –’

‘Forget it, don’t even think about wasting your breath. You were hit on the head, you were blind, you went absolutely bananas for a while there, you couldn’t walk – you let these people take care of you now.’

‘If you insist, but I really –’

‘I _do_ insist, Fraser, and you’re going to let me. Trust me, I know what I’m doing.’

The fellow actually shut up for a while, looking at Ray with those beautiful blue eyes, and just allowing this to happen. Ray described Fraser’s condition and symptoms to as many nurses as would listen, told it all again to the doctor when she showed up, then blustered Chicago-style around the place for a few minutes, making sure everyone knew how well they should treat this particular patient.

‘OK, I’ll be back soon,’ Ray finally said to Fraser, who’d been installed in one of the beds. He was wearing a blue hospital gown now, which highlighted those eyes of his. The wide neckline showed off his collarbones… Ray frowned and looked somewhere else. ‘That’s a real good look for you,’ he said. ‘I’m going to go find a hotel for me for tonight, tell the local cops we’re alive and the bad guy is dead. I’ll phone Ma, and the Lieutenant, and the Chief Liaison Officer at the Consulate. Did I forget anything?’

‘No, Ray.’

‘Dief better come with me, right?’

‘Actually, they said he could stay here.’

‘Yeah? Where is he?’

‘One of the nurses is feeding and watering him.’

Abruptly remembering his own hunger, Ray nodded. ‘Ah,’ he said absently, ‘Dief has a good thing going with nurses, doesn’t he?’ The Mountie had a drip in his arm to help re-nourish and re-hydrate him, and was no doubt looking forward to some wholesome hospital food. ‘I’ll be back, OK, Benny?’

Fraser nodded, giving Ray that small smile of his, the one he really meant, where the right side of his mouth kicked up. ‘Thank you, Ray,’ he said very quietly. Adorable.

Ray just nodded again, and got the hell out of there. Because he really felt like kissing the Mountie, but that simply wasn’t going to happen. The light in those warm blue eyes was one of friendship, and that was blessing beyond anything Ray had ever had. That was more than enough, that was plenty to be getting on with.

♦

It was almost three hours before Ray managed to return to the hospital, and the day was quickly darkening. Not seeing any of the staff around, Ray simply walked in, wandering down the short corridor with his hands nonchalantly in his trouser pockets.

Ray heard Fraser’s voice before he saw him. The fellow was saying, ‘Vulgar? Oh, no. Not once you get to know him.’ Ray rolled his eyes and made his appearance. The Mountie had the grace to look a little conscious, and the nurse scampered off to one of the two other patients. ‘Good evening, Ray.’

‘I’ve heard that before, you know,’ Ray said. ‘ _Not once you get to know him_ , you say. Nice to have someone leaping so effectively to my defense at every opportunity.’ There was no response, so Ray kept going. ‘ _He’s actually quite interesting_ , the Gamez brat says. _Really?_ you ask, as if you’ve never heard such a preposterous idea.’

‘I’m sorry, Ray,’ Fraser said, suitably chagrined – though that might have simply been embarrassment at being caught, rather than an acknowledgment of wrong-doing.

‘You could at least say something like, _Vulgar? No, he’s the most fascinating man in Chicago. My life would be dull, colorless and boring without him_.’

‘You’re absolutely correct about that,’ Fraser said, apparently committing Ray’s words to memory for future reference.

Ray shrugged. ‘I never thought I’d say this, but you’re wrong if you think I’m not interesting.’

Fraser looked up at him with a smile, but all he said was, ‘Did you eat?’

‘Yeah.’ Ray sat down in the chair beside Fraser’s bed, and leaned back. He suddenly began feeling terribly tired. ‘I found a decent diner, but I only ate two meals and three desserts, drank a gallon of water and five coffees.’

‘Oh. Why didn’t you say? If you’re still hungry, I’ll ask them to fix you something,’ the fellow offered with his deadpan humor.

Ray grinned at his friend. He often figured Fraser must have taken the mickey out of him a million times before the cop knew the Mountie well enough to pick when he was being teased. ‘You’re such an idiot,’ he said fondly.

A moment stretched, and then Fraser turned onto his side, curled up a little, facing Ray. ‘Did you find a hotel?’ When Ray nodded, Fraser continued quietly, ‘Can’t I stay with you there? You’ve been looking after me so well…’

‘Oh, that’s low, that’s really hard.’ Ray shook his head, letting out a chuckle. ‘You are the most manipulative man I’ve ever met. No, you can’t stay with me, Benny. They want to keep you here for observation.’

Fraser sighed. ‘We’ve both seen enough of hospitals for a long while,’ he said.

‘Yes, we have. I understand, I really do, and if I was in your shoes I’d be doing the same.’ Ray almost melted at the imploring look Fraser threw at him – however, he did not relent. ‘ _But_ I want you to stay here, OK? I want to make sure you’re all right. We’ve been through so much. Do it for me, huh? Me and my peace of mind.’

The Mountie gave in, but very grudgingly. It was perhaps the only time he didn’t look ridiculously handsome – when he was being petty or pedantic.

‘I’ll sit with you for a while,’ Ray offered, ‘though I am badly in need of some sleep. Unless you’ve seen enough of me for a long while, too.’

‘No.’ The reply was so immediate it couldn’t have been anything other than honest. A long moment, and then Fraser focused externally again, quickly regaining his good looks. ‘Did you call your family?’ he asked.

‘Yeah. That’s mostly why I’m so late getting back here. Ma wouldn’t let me get off the phone, she must have kept me talking for an hour. She wouldn’t believe I’m alive. And then I spent a while talking with Francesca, too.’

Fraser smiled. ‘They must have been happy to hear from you.’ He lay there considering his friend. After a while, he said very tentatively, ‘Ray, you’re looking… centered.’

‘Does it look good?’ The Mountie nodded in reply. ‘Yeah, it _feels_ good,’ Ray told him. He lifted his head from the back of the chair, and wrinkled his brow. ‘Does it look good with the new hairstyle?’

‘Oh, yes.’ That glance caressed Ray’s skull again, though it wasn’t so surreptitious this time. ‘What does your hair say about you now, Ray? What have you replaced your _je ne sais quoi_ with?’

‘That’s the best bit,’ Ray said with a grin. ‘Nothing. I don’t need a phrase or an attitude. This hairstyle, it just says, _Here I am, this is Ray Vecchio. Take me or leave me_.’

‘That’s good, Ray.’

‘Yes, it is.’ The cop looked around the ward, which was dimly lit for the evening. A television burbled away in the far corner. The nearer patient was deep in a book, the nurses were absent. Ray looked back at his friend, and was caught by those blue eyes. He sat up a little, the better to see.

Some kind of miracle was happening. That lovely warm glow was there again, shining out at him. Those beautiful blue eyes were the brightest thing in the hospital, in the whole of Canada, in the world.

Ray took a breath, wary of losing this second chance. ‘The other morning,’ he whispered.

‘Yes, Ray?’

The Mountie was whispering, too, so Ray sat forward, leaned his elbows on the bed. With Fraser curled up on his side like that, they managed to create between them quite an intimate little space. Ray closed his eyes for a moment to locate his courage, then opened them and said, ‘I was going to kiss you.’

‘Yes, you were.’

‘You would have let me then.’ And Ray smiled in relief as he figured it out. He had been half right and half wrong – Fraser might well only ask or offer once, but his offer would be genuine and forever available. Ray asked the question anyway. ‘Would you let me now?’

‘Yes, Ray,’ Fraser said with quiet happiness.

Ray let the moment grow as they smiled at each other, as silly in love as a pair of teenagers. ‘You know I want more than a kiss from you,’ Ray warned the man.

‘I want to give you more than a kiss,’ Fraser replied. He declared, ‘I’ll take you, Ray Vecchio. I know who you are, and I don’t want to change you. I’ll take you exactly the way you are.’

‘Huh. You don’t know who I am,’ Ray complained. ‘Out there, you kept calling me Steve.’

‘Did I?’ Fraser sort of rocked back a little, looking somewhere else, thinking about this.

‘That hurt, Benny. I figure you were out of your mind, you didn’t have the first idea what you were saying, but it still hurt.’

‘I’m sorry, Ray.’ He shifted towards Ray again. They were so close together, and no one else in the whole world mattered to either, at least just for now. ‘I’m sorry you were hurt.’

‘That’s all right. It doesn’t really matter.’ Surprised by the other man’s apology, Ray decided to push his luck – he moved his left hand a matter of six inches, tentatively brushed and then held Fraser’s nearest hand. His breath caught as Fraser met the gesture with a firm grasp, and his heart-rate eased up a notch as Fraser would not let go.

‘I had a friend named Steve when I was a boy,’ Fraser explained in the quietest of whispers. ‘I was twelve years old. We went camping together one summer.’ Those blue eyes were very direct. ‘I don’t suppose you’d consider that anything happened between Steve and I, Ray, but that’s when I first knew I was bisexual.’

‘Oh,’ Ray said. It dawned on him that this was really quite promising, actually. He plunged ahead and asked, ‘Did anything happen with anyone else? Later on. Ever?’

‘With Victoria, for those three days when I first met her in Chicago.’

Ray grimaced. ‘Yeah, yeah. Other than Victoria.’

The blue eyes slid away for a moment. ‘There have been a few… emotionally significant events.’

‘What about physically significant events?’

‘Not really.’ The fellow was looking a little conscious again under this barrage of questions. ‘I suppose that in many ways I’m quite the innocent.’

Grinning at this honesty, Ray clutched at Fraser’s hand. ‘I’m sorry to tell you that by comparison I’m quite the slut.’

Fraser searched Ray’s expression, apparently anxious. ‘Have you been with men?’ he asked.

‘Sure. Men, women, every which way.’

‘Oh,’ was the only response.

Ray waited until he could meet Fraser’s gaze again. ‘Is that a problem?’

‘No,’ the Mountie quickly said. ‘Is my lack of experience a problem for you?’

‘Not in the slightest.’ They looked at each other for a while, visually exploring each other’s faces. The happiness had kind of been left behind somewhere, which was a pity. Ray eventually said, ‘The other morning, I ran. We didn’t do this then because I ran away from you.’

‘Yes.’

‘I guess I was scared,’ Ray said, feeling much the same way again. ‘Because this really means something, doesn’t it?’

‘Yes, it does, Ray.’

A moment passed. ‘I’ve missed out on emotionally significant,’ Ray confessed.

‘Not anymore,’ the Mountie promised, deadly serious.

Ray was abruptly overtaken by a smile. ‘Then fair’s fair,’ he began to say. ‘Tomorrow –’

He was interrupted by footsteps. As Ray carefully unlocked their hands and sat back, a nurse drew close and said, ‘I need to take your temperature, Constable Fraser.’

‘Give us a moment, will you?’ Ray asked her. He stood, but bent low to whisper to the Mountie, ‘You stay here tonight, and let them look after you, all right? Because tomorrow morning I’m coming to pick you up, and we’ll go back to my hotel room, and then you’re going to get as many physically significant events as you can handle. I want you ready, willing _and_ able, OK?’

‘Yes,’ Fraser said. He didn’t look happy, but he seemed suitably overwhelmed by serious needy anticipation.

Ray grinned at him, and straightened up. ‘I’m heading off to get a good night’s sleep,’ he announced. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow, Benny.’

Fraser nodded, and those blue eyes followed Ray out of the ward. Ray shivered. He knew he was grinning like a madman, but found that he was totally unable to stop. _So, let all who see me wonder I’m up to_ , he thought…

♦

Ray Vecchio was as needy as he’d ever been. He’d arrived at the hospital half an hour ago to find Fraser sitting on the bed, unhooked and fully dressed, waiting for him. They hadn’t spoken. Fraser’s beautiful glowing blue eyes had been very eloquent, however, which played havoc with Ray’s sense of balance.

Now at last they were in Ray’s hotel room, alone, behind a closed door. Ray was very focused on locking that door, dealing with the security chain with hands trembling so much that the chain rattled. Dief had been left outside, the Mountie suggesting to the wolf that he go exploring for a few hours, but that he would be expected to return for dinner. Which left – the two men. Alone.

The power of this need was scary as hell. Who knew where it would take him if Ray plunged in and gave himself to it? He took a deep breath, let his forehead come to rest on the cool paint and wood of the door. _You can’t avoid nature_ , he remembered saying to Fraser – _you’ve got to work with it_.

When he turned around, Ray was startled to find the Mountie standing there, less than two feet away. ‘Jeez,’ Ray exclaimed, hand on his pounding heart. ‘You just scared ten years off my life. At this rate I’m not going to survive to grow old and grey with you.’

‘I’m sorry to hear that, Ray,’ the fellow said.

But talking, at this stage, would only postpone other matters, and that wasn’t right for them. That really wouldn’t be right. Ray took another breath, and looked at his friend, really looked carefully at him. All that handsome strength about to become Ray’s. That glow in the blue eyes intensifying, warming Ray even through two feet of cool Canadian air, heating him.

Without words, without signals, without thoughts they were in each other’s arms, kissing. It was the most intense and beautiful experience in Ray Vecchio’s life. The need caught him up, tugged at his heart and body and soul, and he surrendered to it with a despairing moan – but Ray found he felt stronger for that surrender, not weaker.

The cop and the Mountie were holding each other as close as could be with hungry arms moving around shoulders and backs and waists. And Fraser, though he claimed innocence, was already teaching Ray something – Ray had thought until now that only hands could caress and hold – but Fraser was somehow using every part of both arms to embrace Ray and to meet his need. Beautiful. They were kissing with so much passion it felt bruising. It seemed Fraser was just as strong and as weak as Ray, just as mad and desperate, just as torn by the urge to surrender to something beyond them.

They were on the bed, Fraser tumbling back bringing Ray with him. Kissing as if neither would ever answer that hunger, though they’d die trying. Still fully clothed, wrestling each other across the bed and back, mouths and hands never faltering once in their onslaught.

Must have been an hour later, though it felt like five minutes, felt as exhausting as if it had been forever – Ray pulled back a little, searching for the breath to speak. ‘I need – I really need to come soon, Benny. I’m sorry, but you’re making me crazy.’

Those blue eyes watched him, so open to him. Ray felt that it didn’t matter what he said, Fraser would listen for once and take him seriously, Fraser wouldn’t get hurt or upset, Fraser wouldn’t dismiss Ray as too blunt or too silly or too unrefined. That felt remarkably like freedom.

‘Trouble is,’ Ray continued, ‘soon as we get naked, I’m just gonna come all over the place, they’ll be cleaning me off the walls. Maybe all it will take is seeing you. I’m on a real short fuse right now.’

Fraser nodded, drawing in a deep calming breath, as if he felt exactly the same way.

‘Not much of a first time, is it?’ Ray asked. ‘I should do better than this for you.’

‘No,’ the fellow replied, voice beautifully roughened. Ray wondered if he’d come just from hearing Fraser speak like that. ‘It’s _our_ first time,’ the Mountie said. ‘It’s perfect, it will be perfect, whatever happens.’

Ray stared at the man, frightened at the melting inside of him which meant he was falling in love all over again. ‘Ah, Benny.’

And then Fraser was kissing him some more, and one-handedly working at Ray’s belt, and the button and zipper of his trousers. A few moments, and then Fraser impatiently grabbed Ray’s hand, brought it to his own jeans, indicating Ray should do the same.

Beautiful. Lying there on a hotel bed, fully clothed, giving each other a hand job. It shouldn’t have been beautiful, but it was. The orgasm was so over-powering it shouldn’t have felt good, but it did. The need became slightly less urgent, though it still demanded endless greedy kisses – Ray answered that need until they both quietened a little. And then he just lay there, cuddling the Mountie, looking at him with love.

‘Wow,’ Ray whispered after a while.

Fraser smiled, propped himself up on an elbow and began to slowly work at the buttons on Ray’s shirt.

‘It’s never been like that for me before.’ Ray gazed up at the Mountie, who was studiously concentrating on his self-imposed task. ‘I mean, that was really basic stuff we just did, but it felt incredible. Was it incredible for you, too?’

‘Oh, yes,’ Fraser said easily. He caught up Ray’s hand, lifted it to his own shirt buttons, indicated again that Ray should follow his lead.

Ray took his time, too. They both took their time undressing each other, slowly drawing away the layers, revealing more and more of the man inside the clothes. Ray chuckled, feeling a little awed by the whole thing. ‘It’s like unwrapping a Christmas present,’ he whispered. The Mountie leaned in to give the cop a brief kiss. ‘Yeah, the best damned Christmas present _I_ ever had…’

Finally they were both naked. Ray didn’t feel ashamed, he knew he had a decent body, though he was quite lean – but Fraser, he was something else again. Ray just lay there watching the man, drinking in the sight of him, loving all that pale graceful sturdiness. Meanwhile, Fraser was on his hands and knees, moving over Ray, kissing and licking at Ray’s throat and collarbones. It felt very pleasant. Fraser shifted lower, taking his time, loving his way across Ray’s shoulders and down his chest.

‘That’s nice,’ Ray murmured. He lifted his hands to return the favor in some way, but Fraser batted them away, apparently uninterested in his own pleasure. ‘What are you doing? Learning me? Browsing me, like I’m a book?’ Ray chuckled. ‘No, what’s that thing that cows do?’

Fraser threw him a glance with those beautiful blue eyes. ‘Moo?’ he suggested.

The chuckles grew into laughter for a moment. ‘No, you idiot. Graze. You’re grazing me.’ He let himself enjoy the sensations and the sight of Fraser. Until Fraser began gnawing gently at one of Ray’s nipples, his fingers wandering over to rub at the other. ‘Oh!’ Ray cried in surprise, pushing him away. ‘What do you think you’re doing now?’

‘You don’t like that?’

‘It just tickles, OK? Women like that sort of thing, not men.’

Fraser looked up at him, deadly serious. ‘Male nipples have the same number of nerve endings as female nipples, Ray, and are therefore capable of providing exactly as much pleasure.’

‘Oh God. Just what kind of library did your grandparents run?’ Ray lay back with a groan and Fraser, as persistent as ever, returned very carefully to exactly what he had been doing when interrupted. ‘I guess I could get used to that,’ Ray said, frowning at his body’s strange reactions. Fraser moved on, perhaps sensing that he would need to progress that idea step by slow step. ‘I guess,’ Ray continued thoughtfully, ‘I guess I’m quite the innocent, too, in some ways.’

Although he was still obviously quite the slut in other ways. Fraser’s browsing ended, as Ray had of course been hoping it would, with Fraser taking Ray’s hungriest organ into his mouth. Beautiful. The fellow sucked and licked with great energy and imagination, and even bit gently, and all with a saint’s patience. By now, Ray was strung out by sensation, and as badly in need of completion as he had been the first time.

‘Benny, please,’ Ray murmured when he felt he couldn’t bear the delicious torture any longer. ‘Make me come now, Benny, please.’ The fellow’s mouth increased its efforts. ‘Please, I need more than that,’ Ray confessed. ‘I’ve never been able to –’ Oh, what was he saying? But Fraser always seemed to expect the truth. ‘I’ve never come like this. I need your hands as well. I’ve done this too often, slut that I am…’

Maybe he didn’t understand what Ray was asking for, because the next thing Ray felt was Fraser’s fingers playing with his balls. Which was lovely, but wasn’t going to help all that much.

‘Are you gonna make me spell this out?’ he asked, glaring up at the ceiling. ‘I need you to jerk me off.’

Fraser’s free hand reached up to pinch and rub at Ray’s right nipple. Ray lifted his head to glare down at the man, and was met by a determined blue gaze. The Mountie wanted to do this his way. Ray figured he could either push Fraser aside and quickly finish the deed himself, or surrender even further to this powerful need of his. The flat of Fraser’s tongue rasped up across Ray’s most sensitive spot – how had Fraser found that so quickly? – and Ray let go of his frustrated anger with a loud groan.

Giving himself over to sensation, not caring any longer about reaching completion. Meeting the glow in those blue eyes with a glow of his own. Deciding he could lie back and let Fraser do this all day if that’s what the Mountie wanted.

Which was when, of course, Fraser intensified his assault even further, and it was all over bar the sobbing. Ray had just enough presence of mind to pull away at the last moment, and spend himself harmlessly on the sheets, the Mountie’s hands chasing after him to help draw out the pleasure of it. Shudders shook through the cop, took him into darkness for a moment, but then Ray surfaced to find himself being held with great tenderness by the Mountie. It was some time before Ray was capable of even saying, ‘Wow.’

Fraser smiled at him, obviously pleased with himself.

Ray felt completely wrung out. He just lay there for a while, feeling so far beyond content he didn’t know what it was. Fraser cuddled him, forever patient. Until the Mountie shifted restlessly, and Ray was reminded of the here and now by Fraser’s hard need pressing into his hip. ‘I’m sorry, Benny,’ Ray murmured. ‘You just hit me out of the ballpark. You just scored a home run. Except I don’t think I’m capable of doing anything to help you celebrate.’

Frustration and disappointment darkened those blue eyes like a brief summer storm, but then the man’s equanimity fought its way back into place.

‘You know,’ Ray suggested, lying there bonelessly, ‘you could just take advantage of the situation and fuck me.’ A long beat passed with no obvious reaction from Fraser. Ray hurriedly continued, ‘I’m sorry. That’s too far too fast for you, isn’t it? Forget I mentioned it.’

‘No,’ Fraser said haltingly. ‘I was surprised by your offer, though I don’t know why now I come to think of it.’ The fellow was frowning. ‘I don’t consider it as going too far,’ he explained. ‘Not at all. You see, I only spent those three days and nights with Victoria, but she was quite the adventuress. She told me that she had ten years to make up for. Er, I had somewhat less experience than her, but she taught me…’ Fraser faltered, though his direct gaze soon returned to Ray’s. ‘We performed what I can only assume was quite a wide variety of acts.’

‘Oh, Benny,’ Ray said with all the sympathy he had in him. ‘I’m sorry that happened to you, that wasn’t fair of her. She pushed you too far.’

‘I think you misunderstand me. I was – and still am – quite happy to experience all the riches that life has to offer. When it comes to sex, however, my innocence results from my preference for love to be involved.’

Ray leaned in to bless the man’s mouth with a kiss. ‘You’re an incredible person, Benny. Just about everyone who meets you thinks you’re wonderful, but they don’t have the first idea of who you really are, do they?’

‘Thank you, Ray.’ The Mountie’s discomfort was already beginning to ebb away again. ‘I believe that if sex is approached with honesty and love and joy then nothing can be wrong.’ He paused for a moment, thinking of something. ‘You know, I am reminded of a phrase from a book by a Canadian writer named Robertson Davies. One of characters is learning the English language late in life, and he is telling us the Christmas story. He says that the three kings brought gifts to the baby Jesus of gold, frank innocence and mirth.’

Ray chuckled, more at the look of delight on Fraser’s face than at the story itself, though that was kind of funny.

‘I always thought we might be happier with more frank innocence and mirth in our lives.’

‘So you approach sex with honesty and love and joy,’ Ray said, ‘and life with frank innocence and mirth. I can handle that.’

‘I’m glad, Ray,’ replied Fraser. Serious again, he looked directly at Ray, using the arm he had around Ray’s waist to gather the cop in closer. ‘Because I feel I should inform you that the idea of joining with you, Ray, and being inside you, is a very compelling one.’

‘Oh.’

Those blue eyes searched Ray’s face. There was no hiding from the man. ‘Have you changed your mind, Ray? That would be fine, of course, you are perfectly entitled to withdraw your offer if you want to. But is something wrong?’

‘No, I just –’ Ray frowned, not even sure himself where the doubts had suddenly risen from. ‘It wouldn’t be like how I’ve had sex before,’ he said. ‘Would it? I mean, you seem so open to things. You seem to – You want to _share_ with me, right?’

‘Yes, Ray.’

‘Well, you know, sex Chicago-style isn’t like that. It’s more –’ Ray grimaced, shook his head. ‘What am I talking about? Do we have to discuss this now? Why don’t you just do whatever it is you want to do, Fraser. You must be in dire need.’

‘No, Ray, I think we should talk about this now.’

But the fellow reached up to run a hand across Ray’s scalp, to caress the hair and the sensitive skin. Ray shuddered, for this felt even better than he’d imagined it would. It tickled in the most delicious ways.

Fraser smiled at him and confessed, ‘I’ve been wanting to do that. At least, ever since I was sure you liked the new style. You look very handsome, Ray.’ They kissed, with Fraser’s hands running riot across Ray’s skull – but then Fraser pulled away, making it clear that Ray was to now tell him about sex Chicago-style.

Ray sighed. ‘If what you want is sex, it’s not so hard to get. If you don’t let it mean anything, if you don’t let them know you. If you’re not real choosy. There’s been a few people I’ve really cared about, a grand total of four, excluding you. The rest –’ He shrugged. ‘You probably don’t want to hear about them.’

‘I wouldn’t judge you for it, Ray. If you ever want to tell me, I’m happy to listen.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yes. To me, it sounds a little sad, that’s all. But maybe it wasn’t sad for you.’

‘It was sad,’ Ray said. ‘Didn’t feel like it at the time, though. I’ve been in the habit,’ he continued, explaining at last, ‘of losing myself in sex. You know, in the extremity of it? Some cops get that way about the adrenalin rush of making a bust, and then you know they’ve gone bad, some people get that way about violence. For me, getting fucked was always the ultimate in losing myself. Does that mean anything to you?’

‘I think so.’ Though he looked doubtful.

Ray scrambled for another example. ‘All right. Have you ever climbed a mountain or something, crossed a difficult pass on your own, for no really good reason? And you lose yourself in the danger of it, and the physical exertion of it? You feel like you’re nothing in the extremity of it, and yet you survive?’

‘Maybe,’ Fraser said after a moment’s thought. It seemed from his expression that he did understand, though he might want to think about the matter and all its ramifications.

‘Well, you can fuck me any time you want, Benny. You won’t hurt me, and I don’t mind. But, because it’s you, and because it’s me, I want you to… I don’t know, just keep me with you. I want to share that with you, see? Instead of losing myself in it.’

‘Oh, yes,’ the fellow responded, and that rough tone was back in his voice – ‘you’re not going anywhere without me, Ray.’ And Ray assumed that they would now do just that, for they kissed again with growing interest – but it seemed that Fraser had yet another question. ‘Ray, do you need that extremity? What will substitute for it if you don’t have that kind of sex anymore?’

Ray laughed. ‘Benny, if I’m going to be having sex with you from now on, if it’s anything like today, I’ll be getting plenty of extremity.’ He grinned at the fellow, trying to restrain the laughter for fear of Fraser taking it the wrong way. ‘The emotion of it, and the joy of it – yeah, all that honesty and love and joy of yours. How you’ve made me feel both times I’ve come, hanging out for it so badly, and then the thing itself. That’s all pretty extreme. It’s just very different to what I’ve done before, that’s all. And, if you haven’t figured this out yet, let me tell you it’s better.’

‘That’s good, Ray.’

‘There’s this song I keep thinking of. She says, _Move with me, I’m strong enough, to be weak in your arms_. That’s how I’m feeling.’ Ray met the man nose-to-nose and advised, ‘You should fuck me, Fraser.’

‘I will.’ Fraser caught him up even closer, kissed him. ‘You _are_ strong, Ray,’ he murmured as he left Ray’s mouth and explored the cop’s throat with lips and tongue and teeth.

‘Are you grazing me? Don’t be grazing me again, Benny.’

‘I’m treasuring you.’

‘Oh heavens. Is that something else I’ll have to get used to? I’ve never been treasured before. You know,’ Ray confessed, ‘I’m not used to having a terribly high opinion of myself.’

‘I have a theory about that.’

‘Well, of course you do. Tell me.’

Fraser lifted his head from Ray’s shoulder. He looked kind of confused. ‘Oh dear. No, that’s really the sort of thing you need to work out for yourself, Ray.’

‘Get out of here,’ Ray said with a laugh. ‘It’s too late. You can’t just say something like that and then not tell me. Come on.’

‘Oh.’ Fraser shifted up to lie facing Ray again. ‘Well, I think you are a very strong person, Ray. I think that you have a core of healthy self-esteem, and that you have a very real sense of who you are. However, you tend to hide behind a surface of low self-esteem. You leave yourself too vulnerable to the opinions of others, for instance.’

It was obvious the man hadn’t finished yet. ‘Yeah, and…?’

‘You’ve intimated to me that your father abused you as a child, Ray. I wondered if you might have developed the low self-esteem as camouflage, as a defense against him, so he wouldn’t notice you as much. It might then have become a vicious circle, with your poor self-opinion being reflected back at you by people like Detective Gardino.’

‘I see.’

Fraser looked a little uncomfortable. ‘But you should have more faith in your own opinions, Ray. I wouldn’t like you to take my theories to heart. You are in a far better position to know the truth about yourself than I am.’

Ray nodded. ‘You’re right about one thing,’ he said, at least half serious. ‘I do care too much about what other people think of me. I even care about what wolves think. You know, I was actually going to ask you whether Dief will be all right about us being together. I was going to ask you for reassurance that he likes me.’

‘Oh, but he does like you, Ray,’ Fraser responded with a smile.

‘Now you’re humoring me.’

‘He admires your loyalty and your good heart.’

Ray said with mock impatience, ‘Will you get on with what you were doing?’

Fraser paused, looked at him carefully. ‘How are you feeling, Ray? Are you still tired? If we are going to share this experience, you will need to be able to participate to some extent.’

‘I’m fine. Do it, Benny – I’ll be right here with you.’

The man returned to treasuring Ray’s left shoulder. He shifted up to lean over Ray, began running kisses along his collarbone and then lower, perhaps heading for a nipple again. Then he paused for a moment, and planted the gentlest of kisses on the scar left by the bullet Ray had taken for him. ‘Does this still hurt?’ Fraser whispered.

‘No,’ Ray said into the hush. ‘Does yours?’

‘No.’

But Ray suspected Fraser was lying to him. He sat up, pulling out of the Mountie’s embrace. ‘Let me see it.’

‘I don’t think that’s necessary, Ray. Or wise.’

‘Don’t tell me what’s necessary.’ Ray grabbed Fraser’s arm and pulled him closer, rolling him forward a little, then he leaned over to look at the man’s broad back. There, by the spine, was a large round patch of scar tissue. ‘I shot you, Benny. I shot you in the back. I can’t believe I did something that awful.’

‘It’s all right, Ray,’ Fraser said with his exaggerated patience.

‘No, it isn’t.’

‘I forgave you a long time ago. You should forgive yourself.’

‘You can’t forgive me,’ Ray argued with him. ‘You can’t just forgive me like that, OK?’ He drew closer to examine the scar, ran a careful finger over the skin – which was kind of rough, though he couldn’t feel the bullet itself. Must be lodged further in. ‘I owe you,’ Ray said. ‘I owe you for this.’

‘No, you don’t.’

‘Yes, I do. It doesn’t matter what you think, whether you understand or not. Put it down to my Italian blood, my Catholic guilt if you like. But it’s real. I owe you.’ And Ray bent his head to kiss the rough patch of skin, just as Fraser had kissed his shoulder. Then he shifted back to lie facing Fraser again. The Mountie took him into a tentative embrace, looking troubled. ‘I owe you,’ Ray repeated, ‘so take me, take all of me. I’m the only thing I can give.’

A silence stretched. Fraser’s blue eyes examined Ray carefully. But the atmosphere began to ease at last because the truth was now between them. Finally Benton Fraser said in a low voice, ‘I’ll take you, Ray Vecchio, but not because you owe me. I’ll take you because you love me.’

Ray let a grin grow, let himself really relax with this man, his friend – his best friend. ‘Who said I love you?’ he protested. ‘I never said I love you.’

‘Oh,’ Fraser responded. ‘My mistake.’

‘You’ll take all of me? Even the slut?’

‘I want all of you.’ Fraser shifted towards him, insisted on parting Ray’s legs with his thigh, kissed his mouth so firmly it almost hurt. ‘Though there’s no need to give any part of you such an ugly name.’ Ray was pushed onto his back, the Mountie moving over to lie on him. Fraser’s hunger was more than evident – in fact, as it pressed into Ray’s groin, Fraser’s hips began to move in instinctive thrusts. ‘You’re quite the adventurer,’ Fraser said as he leaned down to kiss Ray’s throat.

‘That’s _her_ , the adventuress,’ Ray complained. He had his arms around those sturdy shoulders. Maybe he’d never get enough of experiencing how his arms fitted around the shoulders’ breadth.

‘Then you’re… quite the sensualist,’ Fraser offered. And he bit at Ray’s jugular – as Ray arched his back in happy reaction, Fraser slipped his arms around Ray’s waist.

‘That sounds good,’ Ray said when he could. He didn’t think he’d be able to reach a third climax, but this was sure going to be fun anyway.

‘Can we – oh God,’ said Fraser. His face was pressed hard against Ray’s chest, and Fraser’s tongue slipped out for a moment to tickle the hair over his breastbone. ‘Can we do it like this? Can I join with you?’

‘Oh, yes,’ Ray said fervently. ‘Except that – I’m sorry, lover – we need to use some protection, OK? I bought some this morning just in case. I’m sorry, I really am, but I don’t want to give you anything nasty. I’d never forgive myself.’

‘Yes.’ Fraser pulled away, sat back on his heels – Ray groaned at the sudden loss, at the emptiness of his arms. ‘Of course,’ the fellow said, trying to calm his breathing. ‘I want to protect you, too.’ He looked away, tilted his head in consideration. ‘After all, my last lover had spent some years in jail…’ And then that direct blue gaze returned to Ray, and Fraser announced, ‘It’s not as if I’m so innocent I come with a guarantee of purity.’

Ray stared at him before he leaned over to the bedside drawers. Fraser making a joke at such a time? Bizarre. Ray let out an obedient laugh, but he was too intent on finding and dealing with the rubbers to really enjoy the humor. ‘We’ll have the tests done,’ he was muttering, knowing that what he was saying implied commitment and monogamy and all that stuff. ‘Then we won’t need to worry about it ever again. Right, lover?’ Though God only knew if Fraser was really aware of what that meant.

‘Yes.’

Within moments Fraser was prepared, and they returned to the position the Mountie wanted. Both were a little calmer now, which was kind of sad, but it also meant they were more aware of what they were doing.

Ray encouraged Fraser to shift with him so that Ray could lift his legs higher. Then, digging his heels into Fraser’s rear for support, he reached down to guide Fraser inside of him. A timeless while of Fraser carefully working his way in, betraying a lack of experience rather than finding any resistance from Ray.

And then a still moment, once they were fully joined. ‘Ray…’ The man looked up at him, face distraught.

‘All right?’

‘Oh, yes.’ Fraser began moving in those instinctive little thrusts again. The blue eyes were almost frightened.

‘Let yourself enjoy it, Benny.’ Ray caressed the man’s back and shoulders, ran his fingers through the long thick hair and pushed the curls back from Fraser’s forehead – unsure whether he was trying to sooth or excite the man. ‘Let yourself go, you won’t hurt me.’

‘Ray…’

‘It’s good, lover, this is good.’ And it was good, fucking with Benny, joining with him.

They were bound up so close together in this position. The Mountie bent a leg out to one side and then brought it up under Ray’s rear, searching for more leverage as his feet and knees slid on the sheets. His face – handsome, of course, but something pale and maddened about it now. Not like the disoriented befuddled wits of the head injury. Something truer than that, something even more vulnerable. Ray fell in love all over again – how many times would he do that each day? – at the sight of Fraser at the very end of his sexual tether. How the hell could Victoria Metcalfe see this, and then betray the man? Or maybe that’s when she decided to try to force him to go with her.

Enough of that. She had no place here. Ray’s hands clutched at his friend’s solid flesh.

‘Ray…’

‘I’m here, Benny. Let loose, Benny, you’re safe here with me.’

And then at last it crashed through the man, so much sensation that the poor soul hardly knew what to do about it. Except that he called Ray’s name again, and loudly enough for the whole town to hear. Ah, that sounded beautiful.

Ray gathered him up even closer, weathered the storm of reaction. ‘I love you, _caro_. I love you, Benny.’ Slowly, slowly, slowly the man relaxed enough to let the intensity of it go. Fraser didn’t think about the effect of his weight on Ray, but the cop didn’t mind. ‘Everything’s good now, lover. Everything’s fine.’ Eventually Ray eased Fraser off him and onto his back, and quickly dealt with the rubber.

And then they held each other close and slept for a while.

♦

Oh, Ray tried to behave himself the next morning over breakfast, but he was in too good a mood. He and the Mountie were alive and in love, and all was right with the world. They sat there in the hotel restaurant, across a small table from each other, examining the menus. Ray, for one, was planning to order most of what was available. Meanwhile, for the sake of amusement, he leaned over to the Mountie and murmured, ‘Next time we’re somewhere with a decent hot water system…’

‘Do they have them in Chicago?’ Fraser asked with mock innocence.

‘Yeah. Soon as we can, we’re going to shower together, and you can treasure me some more.’

‘Oh.’ Fraser sat back a little, and began contemplating this image instead of the menu.

Ray grinned, and continued in a whisper, ‘Hot water flowing down our naked bodies, your hands all soapy on my hips, and your tongue rough on my –’ The Mountie cleared his throat, and Ray looked up to see a waitress hovering over them. ‘Two serves of flapjacks with every side order you have,’ he said smoothly. ‘Eggs well done, bacon crispy, and do not stint on the maple syrup. And an espresso, as soon as possible. In fact, bring me the espresso yesterday.’

‘Yes, sir. And you?’ she asked Fraser.

The man lifted his eyebrows. ‘Well, that sounds so good I think I’ll have the same, thank you kindly.’

Ray’s gaze was caught by the woman’s frilly turquoise apron, and travelled up to see a matching hat poised on a bouffant hairstyle. ‘May I ask you one thing?’ he said. ‘Melanie,’ he added, reading her name-tag.

‘Yes, sir.’

‘Do they pay you danger money to wear an outfit like that? I mean, you could die of humiliation.’

‘Er, no, sir.’

‘What is it with Canadians and silly hats? Is everyone in this country born with the urge to don ridiculous headgear?’

Fraser leaned forward and said, ‘You should visit us at Easter, Ray. The bonnets _en masse_ are a sight to behold.’

‘I’ll get your espresso, sir,’ the waitress offered before making good her escape.

‘Look at them,’ Ray said, staring around at the waitresses – all in turquoise frills – and the other customers. ‘What’s that guy wearing? Looks like a dead kilt-eating otter.’

Fraser let out a breath that sounded perilously close to a giggle.

‘And that woman. She’s taking the ten gallon thing a bit too literally. Or maybe that’s where she keeps six months’ worth of supplies. Next time we get lost in the wilderness, I vote we take her along.’

But Fraser asked, ‘Do I look silly in the Stetson, Ray?’

‘What, are you wanting gratuitous compliments now?’ Ray complained, turning back to his friend. His lover. ‘You know you don’t. The only time I’ve ever seen you look silly is when you’re around babies – when you make that caribou face or penguin face, or whatever the hell it is.’

‘The puffin face, Ray. You should try it.’

‘No way. You probably scar the poor little souls for life.’

The waitress had returned with two cups of strong black espresso. Ray breathed in the aroma, and then to his amusement saw that the Mountie was doing the same.

‘Melanie,’ Fraser said before she could get away. ‘My friend here thinks that making the puffin face is silly. Would you care to join me in a demonstration to prove him wrong?’

‘Yes, sir.’

Ray just sat there gaping as the pair of them made complete fools out of themselves. But then Fraser winked at him, and Ray burst out laughing. ‘Oh God, Benny, you look so ridiculous I can’t begin to tell you.’

Melanie returned to normal transmission, and said to Ray, ‘You’re American, aren’t you? I guess you just don’t understand.’

About to protest, Ray was interrupted by Fraser. ‘Yes, Melanie,’ the Mountie said, absolutely deadpan, ‘he is indeed American. If you’d be so kind, please let me introduce you to Ray Vecchio, the most fascinating man in Chicago. My life would be dull, colorless and boring without him.’

‘Pleased to meet you,’ she said.

Ray shook her hand, a bit dazed, and she nodded at them both before heading off to other customers. ‘Benny, you are such an idiot when you’re in a good mood,’ Ray declared. And he added loudly, eyebrows raised, ‘I guess I must be rubbing off on you.’

Fraser opened his mouth, and closed it again, looking a little self-conscious as Ray grinned at him. ‘I guess you must be, Ray,’ the fellow finally said. He met Ray’s gaze and offered, very sincerely, ‘I hope you continue to do so.’

Ray Vecchio, for once in his life, let words fail him. He just smiled like a complete idiot instead.

♦


End file.
